It’s been some time since I’ve posted. I’m happy to say I have a more positive attitude right now. IKL is doing much better, I’m happy to report, and I’ve received a new photo book of her. She has grown so much! In return, I mailed a photo book of our family, a small embroidered pillow I made, and a short letter to IKL. Her mom wrote back and let me know they had received it. She said she showed her the book and gave her the letter. I’m happy that she was able to see pictures of us. This is the first physical item I have ever sent in her 13 years of life. Why? I’ve had some time to think about that. I think, before, I didn’t think I was worthy of sending anything at all. I was scared. I thought that anything I might send would be interpreted as an intrusion into their lives. What gave me the courage to now? Just the possibility that any difficulties that IKL may be facing could stem from her adoption or lack of communication from her birthfamily gave me all the courage I needed. Of course I was respectful to her parents and made sure everything was okay with them. But it was still scary. You are still facing the possibility of rejection from a 13 year old girl. But I did it anyway. I love her more than my own life and I am willing to face those possibilities for her happiness.
It’s been quite some time.
Musings of a Birthmom: The Honest Ramblings of a First Mother 