*Disclaimer – This post will not argue whether abortion should be legal. This post has nothing to do with that. Instead, this post will assert the ludicrosity that adoption is an alternative to abortion.*
Have you seen those trendy pictures in “feel good” websites lately? Pictures of couples or families holding signs outside of an abortion clinic saying, “We’ll adopt your baby!” It’s enough to make me sick. Literally.
The myth is prominent, and it is perpetuated by a large majority of people in the world. In today’s era of social networking it is even more prevalent and the message spreads swiftly. The myth that adoption is an alternative to abortion has been around for a long time. I’m going to tell you why that’s wrong and what kind of message it is really sending.
Let’s start from the beginning. We will use two fictitious characters to visualize each example.
Meet Cindy. Cindy is a 21 year old single woman who is working two jobs to put herself through school. Her support system is pretty limited to her disabled mother. She has always been very pro-choice. Cindy has found herself pregnant after a one-night stand and failed birth control.
Meet Beth. Beth is a 22 year old woman engaged to her high school sweetheart. They live together and are planning on marrying in the fall. Beth currently works full time while her fiance is going to medical school full time. Money is tight. Beth has lots of family but comes from humble means. She is also very pro-life. Beth has found herself pregnant after failed birth control.
Neither Cindy or Beth feel they are at a place in their life where they would be able to provide for a child. Because Cindy is okay with abortion, and doesn’t feel ready to parent a child, she chooses to get an abortion and terminate the pregnancy. Because Beth believes that life begins at conception and would not be comfortable with getting an abortion, Beth starts investigating adoption.
Did Cindy ever considered staying pregnant? Did Beth ever consider an abortion? No.
Cindy did not decide to stay pregnant so that she could give her child up for adoption because abortion solved the problem for her.
Beth did not look into an abortion because it goes against what she morally believes and she wouldn’t even consider an abortion.
Was Beth’s pregnancy ever at risk of being terminated? No.
Was Cindy’s pregnancy ever going to be carried to term? No.
So how is adoption the solution to abortion?
Women who think abortion is okay will get abortions when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Or they’ll decided they want to parent their baby and look at it as a happy surprise.
Women who don’t think abortion is okay won’t be getting abortions when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.
Abortion is a decision on whether or not to stay pregnant.
Adoption is a decision on whether or not to parent.
These are two totally separate issues and decisions that are made. Every woman, upon finding out she is pregnant, whether the pregnancy is planned or not, will make the decision, in regards to her pregnancy, of whether of not to continue the pregnancy. Sometimes these decisions are passive and assumed, other times they are pro-active. If she decides to continue her pregnancy, she will then decide whether or not to parent her child. Every woman. Like I said, maybe its a passive and assumed decision, but its a decision, nonetheless.
Will I decide to carry out my pregnancy? Yes? Proceed to question two. Will I decide to parent my child when it is born?
Standing Outside an Abortion Clinic Offering to Take Someone’s Baby
These are the photos that make me sick. These people are standing outside an abortion clinic holding a sign asking a woman to carry a baby for 9 months so that they can help themselves to her newborn once born. They are hailed as “heroes” when really they’re trolling for a womb-wet infant to call their own for their own selfish desires (well, one would assume. I don’t really know the people in this photo or their story).
Know what a real hero’s sign would say?
“I’ll help you and your baby.”
Isn’t THAT the Christian thing to do?
The above is from a post about abortion. Stephanie’s solution to someone finding themselves pregnant who literally could NOT be a parent? “ADOPTION!!!!!!!!!”
Why is that the first go to answer? The opposite of abortion is not adoption. The opposite of abortion is pregnancy. The opposite of adoption is parenting.
Let’s not forget that Stephanie (a proclaimed Christian) is quick to call someone a “hoe” and also includes a bit of slut shaming in there – “you made the choice to have sex knowing what could happen.” I guess we should all put our chastity belts on lest we incur Stephanie’s hoe-ly wrath.
What message are we sending to adoptees when they see this crap (and it’s all over)?
“Your mother could have aborted you.” And, yes, people actually tell adoptees this crud.
Well, guess what. Your mother could have aborted you, too – adopted or not.
In 2006 49% of pregnancies in the United States were UNPLANNED. Compare that to the statistic about adopted people. They make up less than 2% of the American population. Further proving that adoption is a decision about parenting and abortion is a decision about staying pregnant. You hear that? Half of you people out there could have been aborted and most of you WEREN’T adopted.
Standing outside an abortion clinic with signs saying you’ll take someone’s baby from them isn’t helping anything.
Help the mother, help the child. Not help yourself to the mother’s child.
For the record, I wanted IKL. I wanted to carry her, I wanted to parent her. I kept hoping and praying that by the time she was born something will had happened to make that possible. It didn’t. I made the decision to continue my pregnancy. And then circumstances forced me to make the decision to let her go.
I wish someone had been standing outside the adoption agency with a sign that said, “Let me help you and your baby!” Don’t see any protesters outside agencies, do you? Why is that?
13 thoughts on “Abortion Vs. Adoption”
Hello, just wondering what your thoughts are about a woman who has had an abortion in the past, still sees nothing wrong with having an abortion, and chooses to carry a different pregnancy to term and place the child for adoption?
On Tue, Apr 19, 2016 at 5:00 PM, Musings of a Birthmom wrote:
> AstridBeeMom posted: “*Disclaimer – This post will not argue whether > abortion should be legal. This post has nothing to do with that. Instead, > this post will assert the ludicrosity that adoption is an alternative to > abortion.* Have you seen those trendy pictures in “f” >
I would need more information. Was this pregnancy planned specifically to give up? What reasons does the woman give for choosing to carry the pregnancy? What reasons does she give for adoption? Really, none of that is my business, but since you asked….
I’m of the belief that almost no one wants to carry a baby for 9 months just to give them up – everything else aside. However there are those rare instances…I’ve even seen women get pregnant on purpose just to have living expenses paid by planning an adoption, while pregnant. These are the exceptions, though and certainly not representative of the majority of women.
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Yeah. That entitled cow with the sign. Only willing to help another if she benefits in return.
I’m not religious, but I’ve read the Bible more than once, and I don’t think that falls under “What Jesus Would Do.”
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I was adopted. And I hate the conflation of adoption and abortion. So much so I wrote a post on it: https://zerotozygote.wordpress.com/2015/10/09/notyouradoptionposterchild/
Adoption =/= abortion
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If a person had been concieved via rape would that mean they have to support rape since that’s the reason they exist? I asked that question in a discussion where the person was actually talking about gamete donation.
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I’ve been screaming this for 25 years. This is and has been the truth a long, long time. 25 years ago no one even wanted to adopt, just don’t abort. Yet they spent money on signs and gas to line my highways in the name of “their good deed”. They changed nothing. However, if each group had helped one mom parent her baby, that would have made a great change. Because of that, their line standing did not impress me, STILL DON”T. #ching-ching
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Absolutely, adoption does not prevent abortion, and abortion does not solve the problem of mothers and babies being treated with respect, love and dignity. Neither adoption or abortion does anything to preserve the family, and both are destructive.
I hate adoption. I hate what it does to the first mom, to the adoptee, and to society as a whole. It’s clothed in lies, manipulation and secrecy. It destroys the self worth of women and the children they relinquish. It should be reserved exclusively for those who are truly orphaned, and even then under strict, totally transparent law that hides no aspect of identity for the mother or child.
I hate abortion. I hate that women are told that they are unfit to rear a child, and their ability to carry and nurture a child is only available to them under the most opportunistic circumstances.
Both adoption and abortion feed into the lie that an unplanned pregnancy must be addressed by relinquishing their child.
Both adoption and abortion propagate the lie that women are victims of their own femininity.
Regardless of whether a woman chooses abortion or adoption, one is not a catalyst for the other.
Adoption does not “make everything better”. It is not the answer for most women or their child, even if they think it is at the time.
Abortion does not make the child you aborted cease to ever have existed. It does not “make everything better” either.
Both adoption and abortion keep women victims, and perpetuate the lie that as women, we are too weak and not good enough to rear our own children unless we are perfect, and iunder perfect circumstances.
I know the horrendous ramifications of both adoption and abortion. I had an abortion, and I’ve watched my child go through a living hell after relinquishing her own child, my grandchild, to adoption.
I pray for the day when women are not shunned, lied to, told they will fail, and feel powerless over an unplanned pregnancy. I pray for the day when we stop believing the lies society has fostered in us. I pray for the day when mothers and their unborn or born children are sanctified and protected by our culture. As a family. As precious. As strong. I just pray.
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The idea of adoption as the answer to abortion is completely contradictory. The opposition to abortion is rooted in the idea of conception being sacred and the fetus being a fully human person with a soul. But adoption is precedented in the ideas that conception is not sacred and the fetus is not a full human. If conception is sacred you can’t simply make the mother interchangeable, and if babies are fully human then it isn’t possible to dehumanize them by making them interchangeable, ripping them away from their only bond, and turning them into merchandise.
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Exactly. Our children are treated as merchandise, and we are treated like incubators. It’s appalling.
I’ve offered to adopt, not because I wanted another baby, but because I didn’t want the baby killed. “If you are planning to kill this baby because you don’t want to parent, I’ll do the parenting for you.”
Reblogged this on lollybstarr.