All Parenting Groups Suck – Including This One; When Adoption Spills Into Real Life and No One is Educated

I was added to a “parenting” group several months back by a birthmom acquaintance. It seemed to be a pretty cool group. They were “woo-free” which means nothing not scientifically proven. They believed in trigger warnings and seemed pretty feminist and non-judgmental.  Until today.  A member, Monique, posted a screenshot of a private message her friend had sent asking about the adoption of Monique’s oldest child. The friend was considering surrogacy and seemed to have adoption and surrogacy confused. The member, Monique LeFave-Borden, seemed exremely pissed that this friend would dare say “give up” instead of “placed” in regards to her child.  Looks like the adoption industry does a good job of propagating their propaganda even in a “woo-free” group. Lots of woo going on with adoption in this group. I interjected with my opinion and was told “NOT ALL!” Of course., That’s always the answer. Its a stupid answer. If I told you to wear your seat belt when driving in the car to remain safe in case of an accident would the appropriate response be, “NOT ALL people get in accidents and need seat belts.” Apply here.

Anywho, I gave my sage wisdom <insert sarcasm here> about my general thoughts on the adoption industry. Gave my credentials since this was NOT an adoption related group. I needed to back up my claims with beef. I got one adopted person in that group saying “thanks for making me feel like a commodity.” Another one referred me to rule number 1 of the group rules.  The rule (I would have screen shot that if I had had time before being booted and blocked) was basically don’t be an asshole and be willing to learn. I guess that only applies to people who think adoption is great. Because these people were certainly being an asshole about MY lived experiences and they certainly weren’t willing to learn anything other than what our culture has brainwashed them to believe their whole lives.

Miss “Not All” even said, “well that’s not my story.” I wanted to rebuttal, well your story doesn’t really matter. Your child’s does and you can’t speak for your child. But I didn’t get a chance.  The name of the group is “All Parenting Groups Suck – Except For This One.” Except this one does, too, apparently suck. Suck big time balls. I was silenced, yet again, for speaking my truths, the truths of countless others. I’m sure there’s adoptive parents in the group unwilling to look at themselves in the mirror and say, “I wanted a baby, I bought a baby, and I’m gonna keep telling myself I was saving a child who needed a home.” But, “woo-free” ya’ll. Uh huh.  They didn’t let me stick around to talk about facts.  Facts like adoptees being FOUR TIMES more likely to attempt suicide. Not because adoptees have something inherently wrong with them. Probably because their brainwashed adoptive and birth parents refuse to listen to anything other than woo and continue to silently damage them while the adoptee is too scared to say how they really feel. But, ya know, “woo-free” group! Yay!

So here I am bitching about it. Maybe warning others. A trigger warning if you must. Like all the trigger warnings people require in this group if you’re talking about falling down on the ground while holding your infant and people laughing at you. Yes, someone actually chastised a member the other day for not putting a trigger warning when she was venting about how she fell down while holding her 6 month old and people laughed at her. But lets sit and spout adoption propaganda positive adoption language all day long and not give a fuck who it might trigger, right? I’ll leave  you with the screen shots. I’m the only one whose name is blocked out.

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Woo

YOU CAN SEE THEY’RE STARTING TO TAG ADMINS NOW. I APPARENTLY COMMITTED AN ATROCITY BY DEFYING THE ADOPTION NARRATIVE SOCIETY HAS BEEN FEEDING THEM.

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I’ll leave you with a list of admins:

ADMINS

ADMINS OF “ALL PARENTING GROUPS SUCK – EXCEPT THIS ONE” EXCEPT THIS ONE SUCKS EVEN MORE THAN OTHER ONES BECAUSE I’VE STATED THESE SAME THINGS IN OTHER GROUPS AND HAVE BEEN CHALLENGED BUT NEVER SILENCED SO SWIFTLY.

PS – Jessica, don’t try to silence me again. I’ll just take my thoughts here to get them out to the whole wide world. This really raises my blood pressure, sweetie.  Bless your heart.

Edit: Jessica has since changed her name on Facebook to Jes Mill. Here is a link to her profile since she’s now attempting to hide: https://www.facebook.com/100000502802495

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7 thoughts on “All Parenting Groups Suck – Including This One; When Adoption Spills Into Real Life and No One is Educated

  1. Wow. I’ve had similar experiences in different kinds of groups. People really lose their shit when you question their belief in the glory of infant stranger adoption. I don’t know how the industry got to everyone, but they sure did a great job.

    Infant stranger adoption is really a sacred cow in our society.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: All Parenting Groups Suck – Including This One; When Adoption Spills Into Real Life and No One is Educated | Adoption & Birth Mothers*

  3. Astrid: You made my day; well, in a somewhat dark way. Recurring grief, shame and guilt from unwittingly “handing over” my baby to strangers many years ago can be called by any other name but continues to haunt and dehumanize both me and my child as I lost her forever to an infertile couple for cash on the barrel. The court “surrender” document had no problem with terms such as relinquish. “Placing” a child! Do you mean into their car seat? “Place” her into the bath tub? Or, perhaps, my baby, fresh from my womb, I now place into an international, child trafficking for profit machine which spends millions on marketing techniques and double speak tactics to elicit and exploit my doubt, fear and just plain unknown. As for the infertile one: imagine a life barren of children. Why not foster? Could this “place” the marriage in jeopardy and cause it to dissolve because there is no baby to pass on your spectacular bloodline? As you know Astrid, tragedy makes the best comedy, and in reading the mind numbing denial from some of these women, I would laugh, if it were not so so sad. I laugh anyway.Yes people. Adoption is a dirty, filthy business which when you dare to look more deeply into its motives, you will indeed experience some freaky stuff. This is, however, no excuse to shut your eyes. Banning and blocking is what kids do in the sandbox. Children deserve better than this.

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  4. Well, bless their precious hearts. Isn’t that just quaint?

    You were thoughtful and eloquent, as always. Unfortunately, you also poked at a delicate bubble and we know how folks react when their bubbles are poked. No amount of fancy words or credentials matter to these people, they see that we are fmoms and immediately no other qualifications matter. We could be the most well educated, smartest, bestest most everything in all the world and they would focus on that one part of us. It feels pointless to even try to educate anymore.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. In sorry this group was so hurtful to you. I can’t say that I know much at all about infant adoption. My husband and I adopted older children from foster care. Our children experienced a great deal of horrible trauma in their bio-homes. However, we would be fooling ourselves to think they didn’t experience trauma when they LOST THEIR PARENTS! I cannot pretend that I know what infertility is like. I don’t pretend to know about infant adoption. I do know that all adoption is trauma. Good for you for speaking out and educating others.

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