For the Love of Grace

One of my goals with this blog is to bring to the light the things that hide in the dark in the adoption industry. Many people today assume that babies are not adopted out to people without the consent of both parents (given that both parents are willing and able to parent). Unfortunately this is a misconception.  Fathers are continuously denied their rights to parent their children and adoption agencies help pregnant women get around the laws put in place.  The most common tactic I’ve seen is for the expectant mother to be moved to an undisclosed location and cut off contact with the father during her pregnancy. Some states have laws in place that say if a father is not financially supporting the expectant mother during her pregnancy then his rights can be terminated by the courts without his consent.  Some agencies will also counsel expectant mothers to say that they do not know who the father is.  If this is in a state that uses a putative father registry, all that needs to be done is his name is added to that registry and he has so many days to contest the adoption.  Most fathers don’t know what this registry is or how to use it. In my opinion, this is all unethical.  And the agencies that counsel women to do this should be shut down. I was even privy to a thread in a “support group” where all of the women were talking about how they got out of needing the father of their child to sign termination of parental rights using methods such as these. They were proud that they had figured out a way to go around everything and every single one of them mentioned how the agency told them to handle it.

Forrest M. is one of these fathers. Denied his basic human right to parent his child.  Constitutional rights are given by men. Human rights are given by God and trump all. I stumbled upon Forrest’s story today via a share on Facebook by Carri Stearns (who is also fighting her own unethical adoption for her son Camden).  Forrest states on his Facebook page:

“My name is Forrest M., and I am fighting MY FATHERLY rights to raise my newborn daughter, who I LOVE and WANT. My daughter’s mother, and I separated after our 2 year relationship came to an end.

Throughout her pregnancy, we wanted our daughter, and towards the end we had decided to raise her between the two of us, as a separated couple. I moved out, and kept in touch with my ex. During her final 4 weeks of her pregnancy, my ex decided to give our child up for adoption, and that’s when my battle began.

Grace was born on July 28,2014, and she has been with the adoptive family, WITHOUT MY consent. The adoptive family, is refusing to let me raise my child, and I don’t understand this, I am HER FATHER! I WANT MY CHILD!

I love my daughter, and have been fighting for my daughter in the Sacramento CA court system, and have not seen my child in over a 6 weeks. I need to get her back, and have many sleepless nights over that she is not home in my arms.

I am open to ANYONE who is willing to help. My daughter is LOVED, and has a whole family waiting her homecoming… PLEASE HELP!

Thank you for hearing my story.
REACH ME AT:
ForTheLoveofMyGrace@GMAIL.COM
God Bless.”

As of right now there are only 179 likes on his page and his gofundme page has only raised $280.  The typical way that these things play out are as follows:

Adoptive parents and agency know the adoption is contested from the get go. They don’t want to give the baby back so they have their attorneys tie things up in court. Jurisdiction, state laws, discovery hearings, etc. They drag this out as long as possible. Usually for around 2 years and sometimes more.  During this time they are gaining head because they will play the “best interests of the child” card and say that they are the “only family the child has ever known.”  Some judges have not fallen for this game and have awarded children back to the families that they rightfully belonged, regardless of age.  It is extremely difficult for the child but they do adjust.  However, many judges will rule that even though a parent’s rights were illegally terminated, the best interests of the child are for them to stay with the family they have “always known.” This is why time is so important in these cases. Forrest is running out of time and money.  He needs to raise $3000 before the end of the month to even have a chance to fight for his child.

Anyone who supports adoptions continuing as they do now should be very scared of cases like this. This puts a big black stain on the adoption industry and threatens to one day take the whole thing down as is what happened in Australia. It is only a matter of time. You should also look very closely at where your integrity stands. Is it okay to take someone’s child without their consent even if a judge says it’s okay? There is a huge difference between ethical and legal.  What is legal is not always what is ethical. Furthermore, consider the child. One day your child will want to know their story and where they came from. Will they be okay with the fact that you took them from their parent without permission?  These are all things that need to be considered and the right thing needs to be done.  I am hoping to gather more information about Forrest’s case for a future post.  For now I felt it important to get his story out in the open so that he can gather as much support as he is going to need.  If you would like to follow Forrest’s story, see his Facebook page here: For the Love of Grace

Edit: After researching California law, I found this:

“An alleged father is generally someone to whom the birth mother is not married. An alleged father is entitled to official notice that he is alleged to be the father of the child and that the child is an subject of an adoption proceeding. He has 30 days after service of the notice or the birth of the baby, whichever is latest, to file an action to prove that there is a father-child relationship and to ask for custody. Should he only file an action without having made support payments to the birth mother, etc., he has no greater rights to the child than the adopting parents. If he does not respond to the notice within the statutory time, then the court can terminate his parental rights, if any. He may also consent to the adoption or waive any rights he has before the birth of the child, or he may consent to the adoption following the birth of the child.”

Reference

In other words….if you are not married and were not paying the birth mother during her pregnancy (and if she disappears how are you to even do this) your rights to your child are no greater than strangers who want your child. Absolutely absurd.