Hi, My Name Is…

Astrid Beemom.

I’ve remained mostly anonymous on this blog so as not to make waves should my daughter’s adoptive parents happen across it. I feared that my feelings about adoption may make them decide to close the adoption totally on me. Almost a month ago I wrote them an email, updated them about our lives. I still haven’t received a response.

I’ve decided that I really don’t wish to remain that anonymous anymore. For obvious reasons I’m not going to give you all my identifying information. I mean, come on, that would be irresponsible. However, I will show you what I look like and tell you my name.

I should not have to live my life with the fear of being totally cut off from knowing what is going on in my daughter’s life just because I share my story, just because I share reality, just because I expose unethical practices, and just because I help women parent their children. That is, however, the reality for many of us first moms.

Stay in the shadows or risk the unbearable pain of wondering if your child is okay, happy, healthy….alive. Isn’t that sweet?

I’ve decided I don’t like the shadows. I’ve decided that my daughter knows where I am and how to find me. I’ve decided that 3 1/2 years of silence from them, until she turns 18, would really hurt. But, I’ve also decided that is THEIR choice. If they would like to be cruel and cut me off because they happen to stumble across this blog and don’t like what I have to say then that is on them, not me. I would certainly hope they wouldn’t do that. But it’s always a possibility. Just like visits were cut off 12 years ago.

I will no longer hold myself responsible for the actions of others. Keeping me updated on my daughter’s life is not a threat to her or them because of the work I do. There is no justifiable reason they would have to stop communication with me. So, yes, that would be their choice.

Hi, my name is Jennifer. Those close to me call me Jenn, but never Jenny. I’m just not a Jenny. Never have been, never will be. I am a first mom. This is my story and the stories of many others. Thank you for journeying with me thus far. Thank you for being a part of my healing. And thank you for helping in the battles I’ve been fighting on behalf of others.

Nice to meet you.

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8 thoughts on “Hi, My Name Is…”

Hi Jen. Because of your story, I’m so glad we took and kept every piece of identifiable info that we could get about our daughter’s birth parents. We will find them after the two years that the agency has given has lapsed and will update them about their daughter. I’m glad we met both of them and splke to them. You know, this same agency…I heard from a foster mom who used to work for them that a birth mom placed under the same conditions (2 years photos and updates) but her daughter is three and she’s NEVER heard a single thing. She doesn’t know if child is alive, dead, injured, fine…Nothing. She’s asked but there’s been silence. So when she fell pregnant again, she again placed her baby in foster care BUT when she thought of the silence, she changed her mind and decided to parent. So she sometimes sleeps on the streets with her child. Eats nothing but makes sure baby is fed. baby is malnourished. But she’d rather have her unhealthy than, as she said, “Keep looking at every white family with a 3 year old-looking black baby and wonder if that’s my child.” Because of that and lies we were told, and cover ups, we won’t be adopting using them. And yes, I too am remaining hidden for now because I donI’t want social workers to find me and block our next adoption. Sadly too many children need homes. But not every social worker needs our money. Oh, and it turns out their lied. They said they need money for the foster moms who watch our children before they come into our homes. It’s a lie. Who knows what else they lie about to get more money? It made me feel so much better that we told them they’d either accept what we were willing to pay or say goodbye to us. There are many other ways to adopt. Anyway, sorry for going off-topic. I hope you and your daughter do reconnect one day soon.

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AstridBeeMom on July 23, 2015 at 10:18 pm said:

Thank you so much for still keeping her in the loop. It is very traumatizing to give up a child. I do fully support most foster-adopt situations when adoptive parents are educated, as you seem to be. Children need safe homes. However, the industry lies and lies and lies. Not only to expectant mothers, but also prospective and adoptive parents. I have never heard of an agency monitoring how much interaction occurs between birth and adoptive parents until recently. It seems we are moving backwards. The industry wants the power. Combine that with the amount of money some agencies are charging adoptees for identifying or non identifying info (some over $1000) and it’s not hard to see where their interests lie. Thank you for keeping an open mind and being willing to learn. It makes everything worth it.

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