I’ve remained mostly anonymous on this blog so as not to make waves should my daughter’s adoptive parents happen across it. I feared that my feelings about adoption may make them decide to close the adoption totally on me. Almost a month ago I wrote them an email, updated them about our lives. I still haven’t received a response.
I’ve decided that I really don’t wish to remain that anonymous anymore. For obvious reasons I’m not going to give you all my identifying information. I mean, come on, that would be irresponsible. However, I will show you what I look like and tell you my name.
I should not have to live my life with the fear of being totally cut off from knowing what is going on in my daughter’s life just because I share my story, just because I share reality, just because I expose unethical practices, and just because I help women parent their children. That is, however, the reality for many of us first moms.
Stay in the shadows or risk the unbearable pain of wondering if your child is okay, happy, healthy….alive. Isn’t that sweet?
I’ve decided I don’t like the shadows. I’ve decided that my daughter knows where I am and how to find me. I’ve decided that 3 1/2 years of silence from them, until she turns 18, would really hurt. But, I’ve also decided that is THEIR choice. If they would like to be cruel and cut me off because they happen to stumble across this blog and don’t like what I have to say then that is on them, not me. I would certainly hope they wouldn’t do that. But it’s always a possibility. Just like visits were cut off 12 years ago.
I will no longer hold myself responsible for the actions of others. Keeping me updated on my daughter’s life is not a threat to her or them because of the work I do. There is no justifiable reason they would have to stop communication with me. So, yes, that would be their choice.
Hi, my name is Jennifer. Those close to me call me Jenn, but never Jenny. I’m just not a Jenny. Never have been, never will be. I am a first mom. This is my story and the stories of many others. Thank you for journeying with me thus far. Thank you for being a part of my healing. And thank you for helping in the battles I’ve been fighting on behalf of others.
Nice to meet you.