The last I have heard from IKL’s mother was back in July and the suspense is absolutely killing me. I suspect that is why I have taken to having nightmares that involve IKL. This most recent nightmare involved her suicide and I don’t care to go into details about it. I know its because I’m worried and my brain is trying to work out a resolution. Top that off with the fact that her birthday was this past November (literally 2 1/2 weeks ago) and it’s the perfect storm for horrendous nightmares. I didn’t mention the nightmare to my husband. It’s been my experience, in the past, that he doesn’t care to talk about IKL too much or our thoughts and feelings surrounding the adoption. I’m not sure how it all came about, but I did mention it to him one night after the kids were in bed. He was a little surprised that I didn’t talk to him about it and let me pour my heart out to him. All my fears, doubts, hopes and dreams in regards to IKL. I must say, since then I’m feeling much better. It still would be nice for an update in regards to how she is doing, but I’m thankful for my husband for being there for me. It isn’t that he doesn’t love or care about IKL. I think its too hard for him to talk about. He thinks I dwell too much and I think he dwells too little. Because there is literally nothing we can do about anything, to him I’m sure he thinks its better to just keep quiet about everything.
So I’ll send it on out there into the worldwide dreamscape of the internet. Dear IKL, I hope wherever you are and whatever you are doing that you are happy and safe.
Dear IKL’s parents, I hope that wherever you are and whatever you are doing that your worries are minimal and things are getting better for the whole family.
Musings of a Birthmom: The Honest Ramblings of a First Mother 