Operation Matthew 6:25-34

Welcome to one of the most coercive pre-adoptive stories you will ever read. Take a seat and prepare to look through a “story book” that defines coercion and duress in expectant mothers. I almost titled this post “Faces of Adoption Coercion: Level Infinity.”

Meet Tuesday Laine Watson and her husband, Josh. Tuesday is very young, in her 20’s and is hoping to adopt a young woman’s baby when it is born this May. Someone she knew from her past, according to Tuesday’s public Facebook profile. However, Tuesday didn’t get the memo that she is a “hopeful” adoptive parent. She has already bestowed upon herself the title of “mother” to a baby yet to be born. For months now. Complete with parking in expectant mother parking spaces, having an elaborate baby shower, naming the baby, and posting about “her” child all over the inter webs. 

To make matters worse, Tuesday is friends with this expectant mother on Facebook and she sees all these posts. Shoot, Tuesday even tags her in some. Posts about how selfless her “birth” mom is (even though she is not yet a birthmom). Posts about how this emom is giving her this tremendous gift. You know. Posts that would make this emom, we’ll call her Sunday (Keeping in theme with the days of the week), feel a gut wrenching guilt should she decide she would indeed like to parent HER baby. Because Tuesday has already laid claim to this baby and leaves little room for Sunday to do the same. 

Tuesday has made it vehemently clear that SHE is the mother to this child and not Sunday. Sunday is simply the vessel of birth. 

I could go on for ages about the need for adoption education in Tuesday’s life for the sake of this child should she indeed adopt her. But anyone reading this will already know what I mean when I’m done. 

I’ll let Tuesday’s words speak for themselves. 

Fundraising for adoption fees instead of to help a mother keep her child and not face immense heartbreak the rest of her life.

Photo of expectant mother “Sunday”

She “deserves” a baby.

Photo courtesy of Facebook

Photo courtesy of Facebook


Still with me?

Some questions. 

How is Sunday supposed to back out of this if she decides she wants to parent? She has been reading these things for months. I would speculate that she thinks God doesn’t want her to have her baby and to hurt Tuesday by parenting her child means she would not be doing right by God. 

How can Sunday make an informed decision with no one guiding her or exploring other options with her?

How is this even happening? 

Dear Tuesday,

You deleted the comment I left on your blog. You silenced my voice. How long before you silence Sunday’s? It appears you believe you are entitled to her child. From past experiences I’ve found that usually leads to any kind of open adoption closing since the adoptive mother’s insecurities supersede the needs of the adopted child. Have you even researched how to parent an adopted child?

Since you decided to silence me on YOUR blog, I’ve decided that I will speak my peace on MINE. 

Here is the comment I left that you would not approve. View the blog post this comment was intended for HERE.

Or here:

https://anotherrandomtuesday.wordpress.com/2017/02/28/first-blog-post/

“You’re right. God doesn’t make mistakes. And he certainly doesn’t plan for another woman to suffer lifelong immeasurable pain to fulfill the selfish desires of another woman. No, he doesn’t do that. God makes provisions in the Bible for women who are struggling. He commands others to care for them, not help themselves to their babies. 

Nowhere in the Bible will you find an instance of a woman planning to give her unborn child to another woman because she is poor. Modern day domestic infant adoption doesn’t exist in the Bible. Because God doesn’t facilitate or plan this. 

No, what you should be doing is helping this mother keep her baby. You know, the mother you say you care about so much. But you only care about her if you get her baby. 

Look in the mirror. Bette yet, listen to what God is telling you. Because he isn’t telling you to help this pregnant mother by taking her baby. Gods plan doesn’t involve pain like that for her.

His plan doesn’t involve pain like that for you, either. But while there is nothing you can do to resolve the pain of infertility, there is something you can do to save this mother, and her child, the lifelong pain of separation. 

You worry you won’t be enough. I’ll answer that for you right now. You won’t be. An adopted child will always straddle two worlds, never FULLY belonging to either. They will see the life they should have had and the life they were given. And they will struggle. You can never be enough because every adoption begins with a loss. Every. Single. One. The loss of the adoptees first family and the loss of the child to the first family. 

If you really truly believe in Gods plan you know what he says about taking care of the poor and needy. 

Is this unborn child’s life in danger?

Will this unborn child be a true orphan (both of his parents will be deceased)?

Will this unborn child be in physical danger if she stays with her mother?

If the answer is “no” to these questions this is not Gods plan. 

Help this mother KEEP her baby. 

Or at least admit God has nothing to do with it. You want a baby. You don’t care what God commands you to do. The least you could do is be honest. 

One day you’ll have to answer for it. And when He asks you why you manipulated His word for your own selfish desires what will you answer?”

-——————

So what is Operation Matthew 6:25-34? 

I need all of you for this one and time is running short. Please email me at musingsofabirthmom@gmail.com or visit my Facebook page and send a message:

Musings of a Birthmom

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Mary, Did You Know?

While sitting around playing games on my phone the other day, my youngest daughter started to talk about her upcoming choir concert for school. She was excited to perform the songs they had learned and gave me a sneak peek of the upcoming show. When the preview was over she sighed and said, “Do you know what my favorite Christmas song is?” I didn’t so I told her so. She replied, “Mary, Did You Know?”

This surprised me a bit as it really isn’t a traditional Christmas song that a 13 year-old would like so much for it to be her favorite Christmas song.

Because of the upcoming Christmas holiday, I would like to incorporate this song into the message I am giving.

If this is not a song you are familiar with, you can listen to it HERE.

The lyrics (provided by Metro Lyrics) are:

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?

Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy will calm the storm with His hand?

Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. Mary did you know

The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?

Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven’s perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you’re holding is the Great, I Am.

I understand that not everyone is a believer, and that’s okay. Since God’s name is invoked so often in the world of adoption, even non-believers would benefit from reading this post.

The historical story of the birth of Jesus Christ gives many clues as to the status of Mary and Joseph, in regards to society and financial means. While it is never stated that they are “poor,” there are a couple of verses that we can use to establish this. Every male that was born at that time had to be consecrated to the Lord. In order for this to happen, Mosiac law said that the mother of every newborn male would have to purchase and sacrifice a young lamb as a burnt offering and a turtle dove as a sin offering. Remember, this was before Jesus Christ had died on the cross making sacrifices like this unnecessary to wash away sin. This particular consecration was to wash away the sin and blood of childbirth.

Families that were too poor to purchase the lamb, were allowed to substitute the sacrifice with two turtle doves  or two young pigeons (Leviticus 12:8). When Mary and Joseph went to Jerusalem to consecrate Jesus to the Lord, as the law required, it was with two turtle doves which implies that they were too poor to purchase the young lamb.

Before you point out that the three wise man brought gifts to Jesus of great value, I’ll just point out that there is nothing in the bible suggesting this poor, modest, family kept these gifts. In tradition with the way Jesus led his life, according to the Bible, I would go out on a limb and say it’s unlikely they did and would have been more likely to give these gifts away to those who were in need more than they were.

“It was God’s plan. The baby will have a better life.”

So, if God’s plan is for babies who were born out of wedlock, as Jesus was, to be put with family’s that have more financial means (meaning more opportunities for financial success later in life) then may I ask why Jesus was raised by Mary and Joseph? We’ve already established that they were a poor family and that Jesus was conceived while Mary and Joseph were not married. (I’m not arguing the virgin birth, just the fact that there were two unmarried parents). Did God mess up? Did he put the wrong baby in the wrong womb? Should Jesus have been placed in a more established woman’s womb who was married and able to afford the sacrificial young lamb that Mary could not? If He didn’t mess up, then was the plan for Jesus to be adopted by a wealthier family? No? Why is that? Is it possible that God’s perfect plan (not man’s) was that Jesus be born to and raised by the person who did give birth to him? Of course it was. Everything that followed the birth of Jesus – the miracles He performed, the people He helped, the charity He showed, the sacrifice He made for all of our souls – this was all a direct result of his upbringing. God knew that Mary was the perfect person to be Jesus’ mother. He knew that, with Mary, the prophecy would be fulfilled and it would be done. This poor craftsman, Joseph, and his wife, Mary, would raise Jesus in poverty to be The One who saved mankind from his own sins. It was with purpose, it was with careful planning, that God chose Mary.

In today’s world, Mary would have been encouraged to give Jesus up for adoption to a more financially stable two-parent home that could provide him with a college education (instead of a trade, most likely that of a blue-collar carpenter), fancy clothes (instead of meek cloths), the newest cell phone (instead of, well, I don’t know on that one), and a huge house with a meticulously landscaped yard (instead of a small hut with a desert for the backyard).  In fact, Nazareth, where Jesus was raised, was really on the “bad side” of town. It was one of the poorer communities of those days. Please picture the Savior, Himself, growing up in today’s world of luxuries and opportunities – not in Nazareth. We could call Him, Jesus of Beverly Hills. Think on that a second.

There is a parable in the Bible. It’s Jesus and the Rich Man.

Mark 10:17-31

New Living Translation (NLT)

The Rich Man

17 As Jesus was starting out on his way to Jerusalem, a man came running up to him, knelt down, and asked, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

18 “Why do you call me good?” Jesus asked. “Only God is truly good. 19 But to answer your question, you know the commandments: ‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. You must not cheat anyone. Honor your father and mother.’[a]

20 “Teacher,” the man replied, “I’ve obeyed all these commandments since I was young.”

21 Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

22 At this the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

23 Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God!” 24 This amazed them. But Jesus said again, “Dear children, it is very hard[b] to enter the Kingdom of God. 25 In fact, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!”

26 The disciples were astounded. “Then who in the world can be saved?” they asked.

27 Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God.”

28 Then Peter began to speak up. “We’ve given up everything to follow you,” he said.

29 “Yes,” Jesus replied, “and I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, 30 will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. 31 But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.[c]

  1. 10:19 Exod 20:12-16; Deut 5:16-20.
  2. 10:24 Some manuscripts read very hard for those who trust in riches.
  3. 10:31 Greek But many who are first will be last; and the last, first.

If Jesus had been Jesus of Beverly Hills instead of Jesus of Nazareth, it’s very likely this parable would never exist. The point of this parable is that, according to Jesus, being well-off, financially, really doesn’t mean much except a harder time getting into heaven. Yet, we have “Christians” preaching that adoption is God’s plan because a more “financially stable” family can provide a “better” life for a child. Which is it? It doesn’t go both ways.

Jesus, to me, proves that a life of humility, poverty, and love is the better life, eternally speaking.

Surely we don’t want children in abusive households or in homes where they would be subjected to neglect. This is not what I’m saying. What I am implying is that when financial reasons are the cause for a mother to sacrifice the motherhood to her child, my advice to those wishing to take advantage of her poor financial situation is that they should – “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

Mary, did you know? Did you know that your baby boy, the one who would be raised in your small home, with little financial means, no college education, on the wrong side of town, would be the Savior of the world? Did you know that it is because of these things that this prophecy would come to be fulfilled? Did you know that God did not put the wrong baby in the wrong belly, that it was all part of his divine plan? Mary, did you know that, in today’s world, his name would be invoked to cause pain and suffering for mother’s being separated from their children for the very reasons that He chose you to be the mother of the Savior? Mary, do you weep?

You – do you know? Do you know what your child was intended to be? Do you know what the Lord has planned for him or her? Do you dare to question the motives of God? Did He make a mistake? Was your baby intended for another? Why did God not put that baby in the womb of that woman? Did God want you to suffer the loss of your child? No. This is man’s plan, not God’s plan.

Have you ever read the Bible, you who claims that it is God’s plan for you to adopt someone else’s child, at birth, because they are in a financial hardship? Have you seen chapter upon chapter of so-and-so begot so-and-so? It’s very obvious that biology, heritage, and ancestry was extremely important to God. Why else is this all in the Bible? And Moses, the great example always given for adoption, was not “gifted” to any particular couple. He was sent downstream by a terrified mother who wanted to save his life. And, in God’s infinite wisdom, Moses’ mother became his wet nurse and the person who cared for him. It was Moses who destroyed the people (think his adoptive people) who suppressed his true people, his biological roots, his family. And then he returned home. This is the true story of Moses. A baby “adopted” only because his life would have ended if he hadn’t been. A man who returned home to his people, when all was said and done. God’s infinitely wise plan.

Did you know?

A Tale of Two Women and a Wise and Blessed King

Two women came before King Solomon. Both had given birth on the same day, three days before, but the first woman’s baby had died. Now the women were fighting over the living baby. King Solomon decided that the best way to figure out who would keep the child was to tell the women the baby would be cut in half. One half of the child would go to the first woman, and one half would go to the second woman. The true mother of the baby, the birth mother, cried out to the King. She would relinquish her rights to her child, to save his life. King Solomon, who is often referred to as the wisest man who ever lived because God blessed him with unsurpassed wisdom, saw the passion of the birth mother, and he did the right thing. He gave the baby to his own mother, the one with the selfless love, the one that would rather surrender her baby than see him die. King Solomon had no intention of hurting the baby. He had no intention of giving the baby to the more “deserving” parent. He just wanted to identify the true mother of the child. The woman who gave birth to the baby. It was a clever ploy.

When I think about recent cases in the media I can’t help but think of the shocking similarities with King Solomon’s story. You have two women, one is the true mother of the child, one woman is so desperate for a baby that she is willing to steal the child of another, no matter the consequences to the child, or the child’s true mother. I wonder if King Solomon thought about what kind of mother a woman who steals another person’s child would make? Maybe that’s part of the reason he wanted to be absolutely certain he was returning the child to his mother, and not the crazed woman who attempted to kidnap the child.

The Bible does speak favorably on adoption. Think of baby Moses in his basket, (Exodus 2: 1-10) swept down the river, and adopted by the Pharaoh’s daughter. He obviously went on to do amazing things in the name of God and eventually returned to his natural family, the family of his origin. Esther, (Book of Esther) who was adopted by her cousin, was also a tool of God. But in almost every circumstance of ordained adoption in the Bible, there was a life or death situation that led to the adoption. Moses’ mother faced the reality that her son would die if she didn’t send him away. Esther was an orphan. Both of her parents were dead. God still chose to keep her in her family, and she was adopted by her cousin. The Bible only shows support for adoption of true orphans, or in the case of extreme circumstance. You will find infertile women in the Bible, (Hannah and Sarah are two examples.) but nowhere in either of their stories does God tell them to take the baby of another woman, let alone forcefully take a baby from its mother.

Adoption is a wonderful way for a child, an orphan in genuine need, to find a loving home. It should not be used as a tool to separate a child from the loving embrace of his mother.

It’s very clear how God feels about children. When the disciples tried to prevent women from bringing their babies and small children to Jesus, he grew angry and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Mathew 19:14, emphasis added.) He did not leave until he laid hands on the children. He takes especial interest in the fatherless child and defenseless women. Psalm 68:5 says, “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.”

Job laments the truly wicked, and part of his description of the behavior of a damnable person is, “The fatherless child is snatched from the breast; the infant of the poor is seized for a debt.” (Job 24:9) Someone who would take a defenseless, fatherless child from the breast of his mother, in exchange for money owed is listed as one of the many horrible and evil things a person might do to deserve punishment from God. He also mentions people who “drive away the orphan’s donkey and take the widow’s ox in pledge. They thrust the needy from the path and force all the poor of the land into hiding.” (Job 24:3-4) Clearly bullying and harassing single women and their young children, the meek and defenseless, is considered a detestable act. Other comparable sins he mentions in the same chapter are theft, murder, and adultery.

And how does God handle those who harm children? Those who would steal a child from its family? Exodus 21:16 says, “He who kidnaps a man, whether he sells him or he is found in his possession, shall surely be put to death.” How much harder will the Lord come down on someone who would kidnap one of his fatherless children?

Proverbs 127:3-5 says, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”  If the mother wants her child, and she is fit, what right does another woman have to pilfer the blessings given to someone by God for their own selfish desires? When considering the plight of women coerced into signing away their parental rights you need to ask yourself, “How would King Solomon rule in these cases?”

-BookShelfCat

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