It Was Meant To Be – Using Religion to Justify Adoption

In the adoption community, from birthmoms, adoptive parents, and even the occasional adoptee I often hear statements about adoption being the “destiny” for the adopted child. Some of these statements include, but, of course, are not limited to:

“I knew from the first time I met them (adoptive parents) they were meant to be -insert child’s name here- mom and dad.”

“It was God’s plan for my child to be adopted by -insert adoptive parents names here.”

“My mom and dad were meant to be my real parents. I can’t imagine my life without them!”

“I know why our previous placement failed. I was meant to be -insert child’s name- mom.”

These types of statements always irritate me. It implies that there is a pre-determined destiny for every person living in this world and that there is nothing you can do to change that. It implies that there is no free will. It was “meant to be.” It also implies (when you use the “God’s plan” phrase) that either 1) God makes mistakes and put the wrong baby in the wrong womb or 2) God is a cruel God and wanted people to suffer through the loss of adoption to fulfill his plan.

None of that makes sense, however, because it is quite contradictory to what the bible tells us. God’s original plan for your life does not include the pain of relinquishing a child. It does not include your mother suffering through relinquishing you and it certainly does not include a woman suffering the loss of relinquishment so that you can parent her child. It simply ISN’T MEANT TO BE. We have free will and the way adoption works today is man-made.

The biblical sense of the word “adoption” is the way that Christ “adopted” all of us sinners as His own children. In the spiritual sense. Through the Holy Spirit we are now able to inherit the heritage of the Lord – everlasting life and His kingdom in heaven. This spiritual adoption is also something we are free to choose, ourselves. How many newborn babies choose adoption? They can’t. It is forced upon them regardless of what they may or may not want in the future.

Another reason that adoption, today, would not be approved by “the Holy One” is the secrecy, lies, deceit, manipulation and betrayal that come with it. Let’s start with the first lie, and the most important that an adoption is based on. The birth certificate of the adoptee is changed and two people are put on it as the people who are biologically their mother and father. Maybe an adoptee is told they are adopted (I certainly hope so) but, all too often, this enables adoptive parents the ability to never tell their child that their birth certificate lies and that their mother did not give birth to them. “Thou shalt not lie.”  Secrecy. Adoption is shrouded in it. It’s a secret who an adoptee’s biological mother and father are. It’s a secret who gave birth to them. There ancestry is a secret. Even the adoption records (which exist because the adoptee does) are a secret. “For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil.” I’ve already written about deceit, manipulation and betrayal. We all know adoption is littered with it. I need not go into again.

“A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape.”

“No one who practices deceit shall dwell in my house; no one who utters lies shall continue before my eyes.”

And my favorite:

“For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.”

Adoption, the institution that exists today, is far from what God would approve of. Far far from it. How can one utter “It was God’s plan” while at the same time reading the same bible that I am? It was God’s plan for your mother to be tied down to a table while her child was taken away from her against her will the second it was born? It was God’s plan for your child to have the proof of his very existence shrouded in lies? It was God’s plan for a naive young woman to believe the lies an adoptive parent has told her about keeping an adoption open while they disappear after a few short years? The list could go on and on.

Adoption is not “God’s Plan.”

There are children out there who are truly not safe with their original families and there are no suitable relatives to care for them. Yes, even in this case, it wasn’t “God’s Plan.” God’s plan was for that mother to take care of her children properly and lovingly. It was her free will, not His plan, that changed everything. Was the removal of a child from a truly abusive home a way for God to revise his original plan and turn it around into a happy outcome for that child? Sure. That can certainly happen. It is NOT God’s plan for a woman to give her child to richer parents. It is NOT God’s plan for a woman not to parent her child when she is being offered all the resources she needs to do just that. Naive. That’s what these women are. And I do feel sorry for them. They have been led to believe that they are not good enough for their children and someone else will give them a “better life.” They draw this conclusion based solely on what agencies and attorneys (shoot, even Lifetime movies and commercials) have led them to believe. And then, to serve their own appetites, the adopt-o-raptors swoop in.

We have made ourselves gods. Determining the fates of these children without their permission.

Can we please stop with all the “God’s Plan” bull crap. None of this is what God intended for us or our children. Let’s be honest. This is just another way to coerce a pregnant woman. Nothing more, nothing less.

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4 thoughts on “It Was Meant To Be – Using Religion to Justify Adoption

  1. Pingback: It Was Meant To Be – Using Religion to Justify Adoption | Musings of the Lame

  2. I really dislike that phrase. I always assumed it was because I am non-religious. I wont say I agree with you on everything, there are bad and good parts of both private adoption and foster-care in my opinion. But I’ve never liked when people use God as an excuse or explanation. I hear it a lot regarding adoption, but also in situations like major illness, or death. I think some people need to be able to fall back on it though. As always, thank you for sharing, your point of view is important for people to see.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, this is a very loaded and obviously heartfelt post – I’m not sure what your circumstances are or your story is and of course you have a right to your opinion and should be able to express it on this online space you call home. Life can be messy and our world is full of sin, if we look at it from that perspective whether you like it or not I think it’s a good thing that there are people out there willing to give a child a good home and raise them as their own. I personally am not against adoption, do I think women should raise their own children yes but do i think every woman is capable of doing this without hurt to the child or themselves? No. God can use any situation for our own good and if He can say that if your mother or father can forsake/neglect you but He will not then this shows that He is fully aware of how imperfect we human beings are – the fact that He adopts us as His own and in most if not all circumstances does a far better job than our own birth parents also tells me something about his awareness of our needs and his plans for our total and final good. Parents are stewards of children as gifts, it should not be jumped into by any means and although you may feel that giving your child away to someone else who you honestly feel can be a better steward of this gift is a bad thing – I have seen many situations where this was the best possible thing inc my home. Does it hurt the child? of course it does, no denials here – but with love, lots of love and honesty, courage and did I say love those wounds can form stronger and thicker skin – skin that can empathise and reach out to others in a similar situation – skin that has survived and knows that it is but flesh and there is something and someone greater and finds it’s purpose and comfort there. There is a scripture that i once came across in a particular Bible version that said that God puts us in our community/environment for us to seek Him out – or something like that – that verse answered a lot of questions for me and gave me a lot of comfort re His final and perfect will for us which is to be in relationship and communion with Him regardless what our earthly life looks like, Praying for peace and comfort for every child who feel lost, confused, unwanted or ashamed because of such a situation – may they find exactly what they need to heal their wounds.

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