Anastasia Rose Padovani: Human Trafficker

Since Facebook removed my post for supposedly harassing someone of a protected class:


I’ll just post it here. 

Anastasia Rose Padovani who lives in Clearwater, Florida and works at Taco John’s as some kind of manager. Anastasia Rose Padovani would like to purchase a baby from a 16 year old one of her employees knows. Anastasia Rose Padovani is working really hard to make sure this disappears from the internet by reporting my post and using algorithms to have it removed when it doesn’t violate any TOS. Let’s make sure this finds its way to the right people before Anastasia can purchase a human being. 

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Adoption Is Exhausting

I’ve immersed myself in the world of adoption for the past couple of weeks. I wasn’t an active participant, but rather a (mostly) silent observer. Sometimes things were so enraging that I couldn’t help but comment. I looked at post after post in a couple of “Birthmom Support Groups” of several expectant mothers talking about how much adoption was going to hurt them but how they have to put those hurt feelings aside so their child can have a “better life” than what they can provide. I don’t even try anymore, sadly. The same old argument.

I watched one mother who desperately wanted her baby struggle to find a way to make that happen. I watched her reach out for help, when her parents wouldn’t let her come home with her baby, only for her friend to send her to a pastor who is also an adoptive father for “help.” The friend, who originally reached out for help realizing she was being coerced out of her baby by way of threats to be homeless, informed us that this mother would be “placing” after speaking with the adoptive father.

I watched a first mom talk about how she didn’t want her baby because he was the product of rape and if her adult child should ever want to know who his father was she had a “back up friend” willing to pretend for her so he didn’t get hurt.

I watched an adoptive mother who also had a biological child express her frustration that her adoptive son’s birthmother sends gifts and it’s not fair to her biological child. She wanted to split a recent monetary gift between the two kids because that would be “fair.”

I watched prospective adoptive parents in droves ask for money to fund their adoption, ask for ways to raise money, and then become offended when it’s suggested that they fundraise to help keep families together.

I watched adoptees who are hurting lash out at all birthmothers and a few even refusing to accept that many first moms truly had no choice. Even though they signed the papers, they had no way out.

I have watched and read and immersed myself in this world the past couple of weeks, and I’ve come to a few realizations.

The general public has no vested interest in caring about the trauma of family separation. They only see what they care to see. The picture that has been painted for them in movies and ads adoption agencies put out there. For the most part, the general public doesn’t even distinguish between domestic infant adoption and foster to adopt. It’s all the same to them. Google “adoption” and sift through pages and pages of pro-adoption websites that are, in one way or another, funded by agencies, adoptive parents, or anyone else that will financially benefit from adoption (such as facilitators or attorneys).

Adoptive parents are still focusing their energy on their insecurities, even if subconsciously, instead of what is truly healthy for the child. There are some adoptive parents that make a huge effort to put those insecurities aside, on a daily basis, but most still view their adopted children as their possessions and see birth parents as a threat.

Adoptees and first families are deeply hurt. They lash out at each other in a vicious cycle. Adoptee is hurt that mom gave them up, adoptee expresses anger towards birth parents, birth parents see anger and get hurt, birth parents express anger. The fact is, adoptees can never understand the situation that birth parents were put in. Birth parents can never understand that primal wound that has been inflicted. Adoption just sucks.

I didn’t want this post to see so dismal but it does. I just don’t understand why the industry voice is the loudest, the most important. They have the most money (off the backs of the babies they are profiting from) and most certainly use it to make sure the image of adoption that resides in the public’s head is a positive one.

There is hope, however. Adoptees grow, the Internet and technology make the world grow smaller, our voices become louder, and no one should ever underestimate the power of a grassroots effort by those who have been wronged on such a huge level. Even those with massive amounts of money.

Did you ever wonder why, during the baby scoop era, African American babies weren’t given up for adoption? For one, because of obvious racial motivation, black babies weren’t in demand by wealthy white couples looking to adopt. But even more important than that, because of slavery and the practice of separating children and babies from their families against their will, African American culture seriously frowned on adoption and, to an extent, the same holds true today.

Adoption is like slavery. A baby is forcefully taken from its parents. Yes, by force. Even if she says this is what she wants, even if she willingly signs, it is forced. Forced by circumstances, forced by the lies she has been fed about the guaranteed beautiful life, forced by a boyfriend or parent….pick one. The child’s heritage is legally erased, money is exchanged, and they are raised to feel indebted and grateful to their adoptive parents. Loyalty should always remain with their “real” parents, the ones who adopted them. For the rest of this child’s life, this is the struggle they will have. “Will I hurt my parents who raised me if I acknowledge my need to know my heritage?” They become an emotional hostage. Certainly not all adoptees will want to know their heritage and not all adoptive parents will raise their children to feel like this, but the majority do and will.

Why has this become so socially acceptable?

I’ll leave you with a screen shot of the cost break down from an adoption facilitator to purchase adopt a baby he is pimping advertising. You be the judge.

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Dear Hoping to Adopt

I’m sure, by now, I’m loathed by most who have found themselves in my corner of the world wide Web via an innocent Google search about how to adopt a baby. That’s okay. I get it. My writing is blunt and I don’t mince words. I’d like to take some time, however, to speak directly to the aforementioned.

Dear Hoping to Adopt,

For you, achieving motherhood is not an easy row to hoe. For you, perhaps, attaining motherhood, in the traditional sense, is quite literally impossible. I can only imagine the heartbreak of learning that all of your dreams, that were most likely fostered from the time you were able to snuggle with your first baby doll, are now slipping from your grasp and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.

The countless negative pregnancy tests, maybe the loss of your children before they even had a chance to be a part of this world, the fertility treatments, the worry, the hope, the anxiety, the tears – I understand. I get it. I’m not heartless. I empathize, maybe sometimes too much, with the millions of hardships that we, as human beings, must face.

I think about the hurt you must face every time a friend or relative announces they are expecting or the pain you must feel watching others care for their little ones. I do understand that it must be lonely feeling like the odd man out while others have, what feels like, an exclusive club that only women who are mothers can join. We are women. Most of us, not all, are wired with a natural instinct and yearning to be a mother. I truly understand and empathize.

When you read through my writing you may not think it’s possible for me to empathize with you. But I do. It’s not that hard because I know what it feels like.

I know how deeply it hurts to dream of a child that will never be yours. I know how gut-wrenching it is to grieve a lost child. I have felt lonely as well – lonely when no one else could understand how much pain I was in – lonely when they were praising me for how selfless I was – lonely when I was told that I had given someone a beautiful gift and that I did the right thing. And for the rest of my life I will feel as though I don’t belong with all the other mommies. I surrendered my motherhood to my child and that’s something most don’t truly understand and most are certainly way off base about what that ultimately means.

I empathize because my loss is huge. There was no one there to help me or support me. No one to tell me that I could do it. I was told that adoption was the right choice which, to me, meant I was not the right choice. I was not good for my baby is the message I received and I will forever belong to that lonely club.

Loss is subjective. Some may say the loss of a pregnancy is the same as the loss of a child through adoption. I will always disagree. The path I walk in life, as a first mother, has many layers. I’m sure those who have suffered a miscarriage know what it’s like to blame themselves. The fact is, though, that really there was nothing you willfully did to cause the loss of your unborn baby. As a first mom, however, a good portion of society, as I’m reminded of more and more often, continues to act as if surrendering my child, the loss of my child, was a willful act. Yes, I signed relinquishment papers but there was nothing willful about it. My circumstances forced that hand just as your physical circumstances have forced yours in your journey through infertility.

See, we aren’t all that much different, you and I. We’ve both suffered. We’ve both lost. We’ve both grieved and we’ve both gone through trauma and emotional anguish.

If you ever find yourself asking, “Why is she so angry and bitter?” please think back to everything you’ve gone though in your journey to achieve motherhood. Then ask yourself how you’d feel if the whole of society celebrated it and asked you to be grateful for it, asked you to accept others purposely facilitating it. This is what that feels like to me.

Yes, I have empathy for you, but my empathy stops where your willful ignorance begins. My empathy stops when there are hundreds and thousands of children truly in need of a family but you insist on getting a brand new baby. My empathy stops when I see you begging others for donations to take another mother’s child when the donations that you have rolling in would enable that mother to keep her baby. My empathy ends there. I simply cannot do it anymore. To me, it’s the equivalent of you asking for donations to assure the loss of pregnancy in another woman because, for some odd reason, that’s the only way to ensure your own motherhood.

Facilitating the loss of another’s motherhood so that you may attain your own is where my empathy ends.

It is only a few thousand dollars, usually, to give a home to a child genuinely in need of a family, to become a mother. You seem great at fundraising and that money could be used to help another mother be saved from this life of pain.

I empathize with your loss. Will you empathize with mine? Or will you refuse to because my loss stands in the way of your selfish desires? Look at yourself in the mirror. What does that make you?

Adoption Rocks Ponzi Scheme and the Donna Ames Empire

The adoption industry is so ethical, so upstanding, so charitable, right? Then why is it that I keep running into stories of some of the most deplorable acts thought possible to man? A newborn, snatched from his mother’s breast because of unethical practices, lies, and misinformation to the new mother. Information withheld from her for the purposes of being able to commit this heinous act. Let me introduce you to Kim. Mirah Riben shares her heartbreaking story in this Huffington Post article. Before you continue reading, please read both parts 1 and 2 of Mirah’s article for reference. I’m not going to waste anyone’s time reiterating what is already out there. What Mirah states are the facts and the story. I’ll share my thoughts and opinions on it here.

First, let’s talk about Judge Davis. Judge Davis is the judge who approved of Kim’s “monthly gifts.” He is also the judge that, technically, terminated Kim’s parental rights – before she could even feel her child moving inside of her, per Alabama law (why is this still a law??). We also learned, from Mirah’s article, that he sits on the advisory board for Adoption Rocks. Why is there a sitting judge, overseeing the termination of parental rights for adoptions, who works for an adoption agency? Oh wait, according to Adoption Rocks, they aren’t an agency. Upon hearing about Kim’s story, from her own mouth, I posted a vague comment on their Facebook page asking if anyone had any bad experiences with this agency that they’d like to share. This is the response they gave: “We welcome everyone to our page to learn more about adoption. However, we are not anadoption agency and so I am not sure you will get the response that you are looking for. We are an awareness group located on the Gulf Coast that helps provide information to birth moms who are considering adoption. We provide them with the information that they need so that they can make an informed decision and know if adoption is the right path for them. We help both birth parents and adoptive parents come into contact with local resources like lawyers, agencies, OBGYN clinics and support groups, etc. We in no way facilitate adoptions. We only provide the information for people to use when contacting the various resources that we provide. I hope that this helps explain our organization a little better. Please feel free to message us if you have any other questions!”  Hmm. Yes, they never use the word “agency” on their website but the way they describe themselves certainly sounds like an agency to me. And I quote:

“Adoption Rocks is a non-profit organization located in Mobile and Dothan, Alabama. We are dedicated to loving, embracing, and enabling women with unplanned pregnancies and supporting those who seek to build families through adoption. Adoption Rocks was founded by a group of civic leaders, adoptive parents, and professionals who each had a strong concern about babies being born to single mothers and decreasing rates of infant adoptions in Alabama, especially the Southern portion of Alabama.

Adoption Rocks is working hard to place educational adoption materials into local Alabama health clinics, Alabama school nurse offices, Alabama crisis pregnancy centers, Alabama ob-gyn offices and more. Adoption Rocks is also trying to educate the general public about adoption as an option for crisis pregnancies in the state of Alabama. Over 50 percent of babies born in Mobile County, Alabama are born to unwed mothers. Roughly 6,000 children have been removed from their homes and placed in the legal custody of the state of Alabama due to abuse and neglect. Adoption Rocks is hoping to change this trend through education and awareness.

Join us!

Adoption Rocks is a volunteer driven non-profit organization. All the time and monies are donated by those who have a passion and a desire to help women and children.Our position is to help women who do not know where to turn when presented with an unplanned pregnancy as well as to help those who seek to build families through adoption By placing posters, card racks, web site and community events we are helping break the misconceptions people have about domestic infant adoption. If you would like to help or participate in a fundraiser, please fill out the online form or call us directly. You can also donate online to support Adoption Rocks. We look forward to hearing from you!”

But wait, it gets even better. Since leaving my comment not only has my comment and their response been removed, their whole Facebook page has been removed. Clicking on the link through the e-mail I received notifying me they had responded gives me THIS. There are a couple other pages called “Adoption Rocks” on Facebook but none of them are affiliated with the subject of this article.

Who is the brain child behind Adoption Rocks? Well, none other than adoption attorney, Donna Ames. So, while Adoption Rocks claims they are not an agency and do not facilitate adoptions, the creator and “CEO” of the non-profit group IS an adoption attorney who makes her living off of facilitating independent adoptions. This sort of sounds like a Ponzi scheme for more profits disguised as a non-profit to me, sort of like #BraveLove which has the CEO for Gladney Adoption Agency sitting on its board.

Donna Ames is an adoption attorney and an adoptive parent herself. While her practice appears to be fairly small, I can’t help but wonder how many vulnerable expectant mothers contact her via Adoption Rocks (the front for her money machine adoption practice) that she ends up representing and profiting from. It’s really quite brilliant, when you think about it, and is becoming the new way of doing things for the adoption industry. Set up a front organization. Say it’s non-profit and it’s about educating the public about adoption and how great it is, it’s about helping expectant and birth mothers (although no one making money from adoption is calling expectant mothers anything but birth mothers, sadly). The non-profit can be used to draw in expectant mothers who are then funneled over to the “legitimate” agency or attorney to legally facilitate the adoption. In Donna’s case, I wonder if her independent adoption work, per the IRS, would truly be considered non-profit. I do not know how much money she makes off of separating mothers and babies, but I can assume it isn’t low enough to be considered non-profit, unlike her Adoption Rocks organization. For this reason, tax documents are not available for Donna to show how much she makes facilitating adoptions because, well, she isn’t registered as a non-profit. Hence the need for Adoption Rocks.

Another interesting thing about the board of directors for Adoption Rocks is Yasmen Qurechi, M.D. She is listed as an M.D. However, when running a google search on that name, she is only popping up in 3 results – all associated with Adoption Rocks. When I run a license search on her for the state of Alabama, she is UNLICENSED. Why would an unlicensed M.D. be on the board of directors for an adoption agency (whoops, sorry, an adoption education organization)? Something is definitely not right there. When I broaden my search (not searching for exact terms and spelling – as provided on the Adoption Rocks website) I do find a radiologist by the name of Yasmeene A Qureshi. Totally different spelling than provided on the Adoption Rocks website. Upon doing a license search I found yet another spelling – Yasmeen Anjum Qureshi. I’m going to just go out on a limb and assume they’re the same people. Why the misspellings though? Can we safely assume that since Yasmen/Yasmeen/Yasmeene Qurechi/Qureshi is a doctor of radiology that expectant mothers are sent her way for imaging? Is she also part of the Ponzi scheme?

Who else sits on the board of directors for Adoption Rocks, you know, that agency that isn’t an agency and is all non-profit…

Chris Kalifeh. According to his LinkedIn profile he is a student in advertising. He states: “I am a student working on his advertising degree. I love people, art, and business. Selling a product I believe in. Making people believe I can help them and their business, then making it happen.”  SELLING A PRODUCT. I also found his website – The Kalifeh Media Group. Ironically </THIS Facebook page is no longer in existence either (since posting this, the page has magically appeared again). Hmmm. Are these people scrambling to erase evidence or is this a coincidence?

Well, what we do know is that up until just a few days ago BOTH of these pages were active. Going to the cached version of both Facebook pages shows you that Kalifeh Media Group was active yesterday and I know, from personal records (my e-mail where they responded to my comment) that Adoption Rocks was active until AT LEAST July 3.

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We also know that as late as April 18 of this year Adoption Rocks was fundraising. Let that sink in for you.

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Carmen Ives, R.N. is also listed on the board of directors. Her nursing license expired in 2012, yet she is still listed as an R.N. I’m starting to think they have the whole medical and judicial system in their pockets looking at these lists of people. A judge, a nurse, a doctor, an adoption attorney. There’s even a John Ives III M.D. – Is he related to Carmen?

Unregulated, unchecked, adoption industry run a muck. That’s what this is. And here we have Kim. Her child ripped away from her. Kate Sharp, of Harbert Realty in Birmingham, Alabama, the woman she still thinks would be a good mom. This woman made all of this come together. Her own selfish desires to be a mother instigated the legal kidnapping of SOMEONE ELSE’S BABY because of a legal loophole (and poor legal representation and legal advice). How could anyone take someone else’s baby if they didn’t want to give it to you. How does Kate sleep with herself at night?

As you read in the HuffPost article, pre-trial for Kim is July 24. Her legal fees will be IMMENSE. I know times are tight but this injustice MUST BE FOUGHT. Please share this post for Kim. She is in need of a legal defense fund. A GoFundMe page has been started for her and can be accessed here: Kim’s GoFundMe

But this is about more than Kim. It’s about setting a legal precedent that just because someone wants your baby they don’t have the right to come take it off your breast.

Donna Ames, adoption attorney
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Source: https://facebook.com/donna.ames.5?tsid=0.8071477601770312&source=typeahead

Statements Made By Adoptive And Hopeful Adoptive Parents – More Education Is Still Needed

“As an adoptive mom, I honestly think that there is nothing worse that one mother can do to another mother than withholding promised contact with a child.”

As a member of the adoption community I come across many comments from adoptive parents through various outlets on the Internet. My blog has always focused on the unethical side of adoption as that is what needs addressing. Over the past several months I have been collecting statements made by adoptive parents online and wasn’t sure what I was going to do with them. When I decided to start compiling these statements, as I have run into so many horrid ones, I started to run across adoptive parents that blew me away, and not in the negative way you may be thinking. Sadly, the ignorant, cruel, and selfish statements no longer surprise me. They still enrage me but they don’t surprise me. It is sad that I am surprised by statements that are the opposite of the ignorant ones. However, to be well-rounded, I needed to get a platform for both.

The opening statement of this article is powerful. Not only is the adoptive mother acknowledging that breaking promises in regards to contact is one of the most horrible betrayals, she is also acknowledging the motherhood of first moms. That statement was the one that started to give me hope. It was the one that blew me away. I would still like to point out that I believe in family preservation first. However, we have to face the reality that family preservation is not always possible and there are some circumstances in which a child would be safer not being raised by their first parents. In these cases, it is nice to see adoptive parents who have taken the time to educate themselves and think not only about the adoptee but also the parents of that child and how they may be feeling.

So, without further ado, some of the most inspiring comments made by adoptive parents that I have run into online, over the months. Be sure to stay tuned until the end for a stark contrast to these statements.

“What you are giving him and his mom is priceless.” At first glance you would think this statement would be directed at an expectant mother or birth parents. It isn’t. This statement was made in regards to a foster child about to be successfully reunited with his family.

“My family and friends have questioned our openness for a long time, but everyone has learned we view first/birth/bio family members of our children as family regardless. They can accept it or not, but all family is welcome in our home, hearts, and lives.” Many times I hear of adoptive parents cutting off or greatly diminishing contact because of pressures from their family. Sometimes it is because their families have validated their irrational fears or insecurities and all they needed was that affirmation that they should probably not be so open. It takes courage to go against those irrational fears and insecurities and, especially, go against your family not understanding to do what is best by your child as well as that child’s first parents. Kudos to you.

“I was weirded out when my son’s amended birth certificate arrived. I expected happiness or maybe relief but instead I felt like an impostor.” Here is an adoptive parent being honest with herself. Like most adoptees, she felt there was something “not right” about the lie that listed her as having given birth to her son. Birth certificates are NOT parent certificates. An accurate record of one’s birth should be the most fundamental of human rights. For adoptees that is not the reality.

“it’s better to call it and write it as “expectant mom” not “birth mom” because that isn’t the title she has yet.”  Yes! Yes! Yes! She is not a birthmother. She is an expectant mother. To call her anything else is a subtle form of coercion. It plants the seed that she has already given up her child.

“It’s not a bad thing that mom takes baby home. She’s feeling out what she wants to do.”  This statement was made in regards to a new mom who had considered adoption. The hopeful adoptive parent was concerned that the new mom had decided to bring the baby home before making a final adoption decision. This statement made me smile. This adoptive parent is advocating for a mother to at least TRY parenting first before deciding on adoption, even if it means no baby for a hopeful adoptive parent. How refreshing.

And now for the bad. I wish I had found more of the types of statements that I posted above. It’s just a reality, though, that most adoptive parents don’t get it. They don’t want to get it. They are too absorbed in what they want and cannot realize that adopting a child is totally different from having a child that is biologically yours. A baby will not cure infertility. That is something you need to deal with on your own accord separate from adoption. These statements, as you will see, also show that, when it comes down to it, a pregnant mother facing less than ideal circumstances in her life are looked at as a means to procure a baby and not much more.

“Is there any chance that he may not go back to mom?” This is a foster parent hoping for the mother of the child she is fostering to fail what the courts have required to get her child back. If you are fostering to adopt and have not accepted that the ultimate goal of fostering is to reunite families then you should not be fostering at all, in my opinion.

“The agency that we are planning to start the infant adoption process with encourages adoptive families to search for birthmothers on their own…How do we advertise/market ourselves effectively and affordably?”  Anytime I hear “advertising” or “marketing” in regards to adoption I cringe. First of all, advertising and marketing are a means to persuade someone to pick your product over someone else’s or to purchase your product in the first place. Persuasion is the power of marketing. Persuasion is another word for coercion when it comes to adoption. No. No. No.

“Ohh trust me, she didn’t plan him, didn’t want him, and there’s no regrets what so ever! I know that. I’m glad. it’s all good.” This statement was made in regards to a birthmom pulling away from an open adoption. Instead of wondering how she must be feeling the adoptive parent makes these statements. Honestly, just based on this statement alone, I would make an educated guess that the adoptive parent didn’t it make it easy to want to take part in the open adoption. Even if the above was true – she’s GLAD? She’s glad her child’s first mom wouldn’t want anything to do with him. How about the emotional health of her child? How about all those adoptees that face rejection and the emotional turmoil that comes with it? She’s GLAD! Why? Because her child is her property. She owns him.

And here are her follow-up comments when other adoptive parents held her accountable for her statements (go other adoptive parents!!):

“Okay I understand. It might sound bad but I really am glad she doesn’t care. It’s easier. Yes in 15 years my child might feel differently but I would never explain it to him like this. It’s easier to vent and get my feelings out on here. I wouldn’t ever look at my son and tell him he wasn’t planned or wanted or cared about by his birth mother. Even though I know the truth.”  <——— Not much better.

“She cannot legally smoke, drink alcohol, consent to sex, get married, drive a car, vote, work full-time, or adopt a child … but simply because she is pregnant, she can decide the fate of another human being. In the eyes of the law, she isn’t old enough & mature enough to handle any of those other things, yet she can legally make the choice to parent a child. To me, there is something really wrong with that and it speaks to how our society views children as property.” This hopeful adoptive parent was pissed that pregnant teens didn’t have their babies taken from them and given to more “competent” parents, you know, like her since she wants one. I really like the “property” comment, though. I found it ironic since she was, essentially, talking about distributing children to the most worthy parents….like property.

And a follow-up comment:

“There used to be a commercial for insurance that pointed out that a teenager’s brain isn’t fully formed yet. But we’re still allowing these children to parent children.”  We’re ALLOWING them to parent children? Do these people really advocate for stealing a woman’s child simply because she’s a teenager? I cannot believe there are people who think this way! These are the hopeful adoptive parents of the future! How can you be sure which one you’re going to get? One from the first section of this article or one from this section.

“Apparently [sic] the children’s former foster mom is somehow lurking on my FB page and told them (the biological parents) we were changing the babies names. I stumbled a bit and denied it. I know stupid. I’m careful to always select friends only when I post and she is not a friend.” She admits it was a stupid move. However, the stupid move wasn’t lying to the parents of the children she hopes to adopt. She is saying making the post about changing their names view-able by anyone was stupid. This is, most likely, a case of CPS removal but the courts have given the parents the chance to choose adoptive parents. In order to be the “chosen” one she has lied to the parents. How despicable is that?

And HER follow-up comment:

“Is it bad that I want to plant fake posts about moving over seas once the adoptions are finalized?” Does she think this is a game? Does she like causing heartache?

“My husband and I are starting the adoption process on 2 baby girls, They are turning 1 & 2 next month. We need to get on the same page about whether or not we are going to tell them up front they are adopted….I personally don’t want to force it on them but if they ever ask they will then find out the truth. He wants to raise them letting them know they are adopted.” Are we seriously still having this conversation in 2015? If they ever ask? Why would someone ask if they were adopted if nothing led them to believe that they were?

“Tell them to take some time to regroup. That is a traumatic loss.” What I find so funny about this comment is that it is directed to a friend of a hopeful adoptive parent. The mother of the child decided to parent once the baby was born. So, let me get this straight, it is a traumatic loss to the hopeful adoptive parent (who did not carry that baby for 9 months, feel it move, give birth to it) but it ISN’T a traumatic loss to the mother of that child? Isn’t that what the adoption industry tells us? It isn’t trauma?

“Is there a movie that we can watch about telling our daughter she’s adopted?” So, not only have you not been having the “adoption” conversation since birth, you now want to play a movie to let her know? Parents of the year, folks.

What have I learned? I have learned that most hopeful adoptive parents or adoptive parents, in this day and age, still don’t truly get it. They haven’t taken the time to look beyond their own nose. But I kind of already knew that. I have been able to truly accept that not ALL adoptive parents are ignorant. They are listening. Like I said, that gives me just the tiniest bit more hope.

What list would you belong in as a hopeful or adoptive parent?